The Scum Experiment

To my esteemed colleagues,

I've been thinking about this hypothesis for quite a while. As a matter of fact, it was first presented to me about a year or so ago, by a friend (Dave), who made the following observation. "A lot of girls prefer to date scums!"

At the time, I found the remark to be preposterous. Why would anyone prefer want to be associated with scums, much less date them? I attributed Dave's lack of good judgement to his heavy workload and lack of sleep.

However, as the year progressed, I began to notice a large number of women dating scums (not to mention women involved in abusive relationships and choosing to stay in those relationships). By scum, I mean, ill-dressed, ill-mannered, guys with no aim in life (usually claiming to pursue higher goals in life but never doing anything toward that end). You see them everywhere, in the workplace, on television, in the movies. Scums seem to prevail over good decent guys!

Perhaps, Dave's observation was astute. Perhaps, I overestimated female sensibility. Perhaps, girls prefer to date scums!

Well, every scientific hypothesis deserves the trial of the scientific process. So, I propose a social experiment.

For those of you guys out there who have not dated in the past two months (I mean an one-on-one date! Not a group date where you are there because some other guy's girlfriend has a friend who would have ended up being a third wheel.)...

For you losers (oops!), I mean specially selected participants in the Great Social Experiment, choose a partner who had also been dateless for the last two months. One partner will be the control, and the other would be the "scum". The partner who is the control will not do anything out of the ordinary, being the nice guy that he is. The "scum" will dress like a scum, talk like a scum, walk like a scum, etc. And in a period of five months, tally the number of dates with which each had been. Better yet, the scum should increase his level of scumness a week at a time.

Each week, each participant will E-Mail me the count of how many dates on which he has been (and the level of scumness, if he's a scum). At the end of a five-month period, I tally up the statistics to find the result.

If indeed, girls prefer scums, this finding could shake the foundation on which our society is built. Male/female relationship will be altered forever. There will be no confusion in the roles of the sexes.

Men will no longer wonder how to dress: Dress like a scum! Men will no longer be at a lost for words: Talk like a scum! Men will no longer wonder which behavior is socially acceptable: Act like a Scum!

Wow, I may even get a Nobel Prize in Behavioral Science out of this! (How much money is that? Hmmm.... Okay, Dave, I'll cut you 10%!)

With Sincere Wishes,
Pin H. Chen
(PHChen@ChenCompServ.Com)


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